Just being a girl...

One of the reasons for my wonderful wonderful New Years' Eve emailed me today, and for the first time put 'Miss you' at the end of the email. Is that a reasonable cause for excitement?

Didn't think so.

Although, we haven't considered the fact that I left him in Brasil - possibly the most beauty-filled country in the world, and I'm not talking panorama. Gisele is from there. Need I say more? That he's still thinking about me enough to miss my presence is pretty cool.

Do boys get this worked up over two simple words? If they did, would they ever tell you? In all honesty, I think if there was a guy willing to pour out his heart all the time, I'd probably get bored and try to make him go away. Like I did with the boyfriend of last summer who refused to let me break up with him because "it was the wrong decision". Mate, I haven't even kissed the air around your face for three weeks and you still want to be with me? Uh, no.
It's strange trying to be an 'Independent' kinda gal these days. On one hand, we don't want to rely on the opposite sex for feelings of comfort, self-worth, or security; but at the same time it's nice to have someone there to not rely on for feelings of comfort, self-worth or security.

The grass is always greener until you mow the lawn. That's what my mother says, and I believe her. But then again, she is single so...

Irrational Hatred

It has just dawned on me whilst listening to the radio and sitting with books around me 'researching my dissertation topic' how much I hate Toyah Wilcox. The DJ hadn't said anything about her, or relating to her really; but every now and then I get to thinking about people who really annoy me, and she just happens to be one of them. Jenny Frost from Atomic Kitten is right up there too. The way she sauntered in from Precious, miming over Kerry Katona's voice in 'Whole Again'... In fact, I think I hate her more.

On declaring my lust for hearing tales of mis-spent youth, it got me thinking how much time I spend hating people I don't even know. In my first year of university, there was a dark-haired boy living across from my halls. He seemed to have loads of friends who were always playing sport in our mutual green space. I couldn't figure out why he was always surrounded by people, because just the sight of his face made me want to hit a wall or a kitten or something. In the last week of the semester I dropped all my stuff (I do that) in the street by our halls and he stopped to help me pick it up. He then introduced himself and asked if I wasn't the girl who lived in that flat across the way from him, and he hoped he hadn't woken me that morning with the football. He was so nice, I really didn't know what to do but be off with him to justify to myself my feelings of repulsion. It seemed the more harsh I was to him, the nicer he was in return. I still see him around, with his smug smile - sometimes he even adds a little wave. And with every fake smile I beam back at him, I hate myself a little more for being so irrational.

It's basically for this reason that I'd hate to meet Jenny Frost, or Toyah Wilcox because I have every faith that they'll be really lovely and funny and I'd probably want to have them as friends. But in a slightly sadistic way, it's kinda relieving to really hate someone once in a while. To wish their face covered in white-heads; their toes to morph together giving them an uncomfortable gait when they walk - a bit like the Hunchback of NotreDame - where they used to move with the grace of a gazelle. To hope they get so fat, they start doing that obese-kind of breathing. You know, that one that sounds a little like rhythmic, slightly blocked air conditioning. And for all these thoughts there is another reason there for one to go straight to hell but I think it's healthy just as long as these thoughts stay in your head. And they work all the better if you don't know the person in question.

The First Post

The first cut is the deepest, said, I dunno Alanis Morissette or someone - but the first blog is the hardest. I wanna say who I am and why I'm doing this, but I can't really be bothered. Also, if I did I think it'd take too long. So I'm just going to say hi. And that this space is for anyone who ever had anything to say. I'm 21 so don't really know much about life I guess. And the older I get I realise, the less I know I know. One thing I do know is that I'm sitting in my university library on a Saturday afternoon with my best Swedish galpal, deciding who's the hottest guy in the vicinity instead of working on our dissertations. Yet, later when I go home I will have a completely unfounded sense of accomplishment and smugness because, well, I've been in the library all day.
Tales of a mis-spent youth. Yes, that's what I want for this space.

So, roll up, roll up. I want to hear them all.

Nice talking to you,
Kx