Time To Exhale.
I'm feeling remarkably calm today.
I think it has something to do with the fact that after 3days of grey, rainy, Mancunian mugginess, the sun has chosen to come out of hiding and beam down on my smiley Northern city.
I think it has something to do with the fact that I know that in 1 day's time, I'll be embarking on a journey with some friends back down to London - my birthplace, where I shall see my family and my Z. - my Ground Control Centre, and a part of my personality that has been missing from me since I left her in Brasil - my Argentine.
I think it has something to do with the fact that for the first time in a long time, I feel inspired to write something. Stupid, because in the time since I last wrote an entry I've been emotionally ALL over the place; I went to Mars, Malaga, to the Moon and back. And usually the one thing that helps me through my madness is this. Writing. Feeling these sentiments and sensations flow through my fingers out of my body onto something solid so I can face them head on.
I've been sad, lonely, scared, lost, anxious, concerned. I've been elated, relieved, assured, ecstatic, grounded. Needless to say these last months have been somewhat a rollercoaster, having moved house, started a new job, said gooodbye to someone who's been the other half of me for the past year (yea, I'm talking about my frequently mentioned Swedish GalPal who headed back to her homeland - lucky Sweden - for good last month), gone on a spontaneous holiday - during which I found out that particular holiday was NOT one of our allotted paid ones, and thus returning me to a place I'm grudgingly comfortable with known as Financial Ruin. Inspired by my SGP who has recently quashed her inner spaghetti junction, I've decided to re-claim myself.
JP asked me by the by why I didn't write anymore. It was a small thing, invisible to the naked eye, but perfectly palpable by me, the impact of that one question. I'm sure he knew it too. Maybe he was just wondering what I'd been up to that I hadn't included in emails. Perhaps he was curious to find out how it ended with the Hot Potato (he's now in Ireland, breaking hearts in some kind of Co-operative house...The story with the beginning and middle finally gave way to the end. And it was nice.) Alternatively he could have just been concerned that I'd lost interest in it. I secretly think that maybe JP understands me a little more than I think. He writes too, and so gets how it drains you - in a good way. I secretly think he wanted to know what was up with me that I felt I had nothing more to give. If that is what he thought, then he was right. And with just that little nudge, that little indication that someone notices when you lose yourself for just a short while, was enough to make me shake myself up, dust myself off, and get back on it.
You might think it's a little strange that I write about people who can find out my thoughts on them, but I think that if they're important enough for me to mention, they're probably also close enough that they know all of this already.
Notting Hill Carnival, I'm ready for you.
I think it has something to do with the fact that after 3days of grey, rainy, Mancunian mugginess, the sun has chosen to come out of hiding and beam down on my smiley Northern city.
I think it has something to do with the fact that I know that in 1 day's time, I'll be embarking on a journey with some friends back down to London - my birthplace, where I shall see my family and my Z. - my Ground Control Centre, and a part of my personality that has been missing from me since I left her in Brasil - my Argentine.
I think it has something to do with the fact that for the first time in a long time, I feel inspired to write something. Stupid, because in the time since I last wrote an entry I've been emotionally ALL over the place; I went to Mars, Malaga, to the Moon and back. And usually the one thing that helps me through my madness is this. Writing. Feeling these sentiments and sensations flow through my fingers out of my body onto something solid so I can face them head on.
I've been sad, lonely, scared, lost, anxious, concerned. I've been elated, relieved, assured, ecstatic, grounded. Needless to say these last months have been somewhat a rollercoaster, having moved house, started a new job, said gooodbye to someone who's been the other half of me for the past year (yea, I'm talking about my frequently mentioned Swedish GalPal who headed back to her homeland - lucky Sweden - for good last month), gone on a spontaneous holiday - during which I found out that particular holiday was NOT one of our allotted paid ones, and thus returning me to a place I'm grudgingly comfortable with known as Financial Ruin. Inspired by my SGP who has recently quashed her inner spaghetti junction, I've decided to re-claim myself.
JP asked me by the by why I didn't write anymore. It was a small thing, invisible to the naked eye, but perfectly palpable by me, the impact of that one question. I'm sure he knew it too. Maybe he was just wondering what I'd been up to that I hadn't included in emails. Perhaps he was curious to find out how it ended with the Hot Potato (he's now in Ireland, breaking hearts in some kind of Co-operative house...The story with the beginning and middle finally gave way to the end. And it was nice.) Alternatively he could have just been concerned that I'd lost interest in it. I secretly think that maybe JP understands me a little more than I think. He writes too, and so gets how it drains you - in a good way. I secretly think he wanted to know what was up with me that I felt I had nothing more to give. If that is what he thought, then he was right. And with just that little nudge, that little indication that someone notices when you lose yourself for just a short while, was enough to make me shake myself up, dust myself off, and get back on it.
You might think it's a little strange that I write about people who can find out my thoughts on them, but I think that if they're important enough for me to mention, they're probably also close enough that they know all of this already.
Notting Hill Carnival, I'm ready for you.
posted by KJT at 5:57 pm
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